Growth & Expansion

When things don't go as I would expect instead of reacting I pause and then respond. Why do I feel so crappy when I do this?

Every time you respond rather than react to outside influences you are growing and maturing.  The pain that you feel can be deemed as growing pains or labour pains.  Just allow this to exist and focus on your breath.  Deep breathing and allowing will help you move through these feelings which can be seen as an energy blocks being cleared.  You are actually changing patterns of behavior that no longer serve you and clearing/dissipating blocks so that your energy may flow with more ease.